


Keep the albatross around your neck

by becauseitwasreal



Series: All's fair in love and war [3]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: he may even be?? slightly insecure??, lorca is not a robot, this may be the least angsty one so far
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 23:03:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12467952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becauseitwasreal/pseuds/becauseitwasreal
Summary: “With all due respect, sir, but this ship’s crew – they aren’t soldiers. They have probably never seen a fight in their lives, and I’m uncertain –”“Then they’ll become soldiers.”Captain Lorca meets his new First Officer. Lieutenant Saru has some doubts.





	Keep the albatross around your neck

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't seen 1x06 yet, so I hope that nothing I've written today is suddenly terribly AU.

Lorca looked at the chair in front of him. It would be strange to sit in any Captain’s chair that wasn’t the U.S.S. Buran’s, and for the first time he wondered if he was truly ready for this. He quickly dismissed the thought, and instead focused his gaze on the Kelpien, who was silently waiting for him to speak.

“Lieutenant Saru. Excuse the lighting.” Even though his eyesight had improved much during the past three weeks, mainly thanks to the drops he had to use four times a day, brightness still hurt them, so the room was clouded in shadows.

“Admiral Cornwell told me of your condition, Captain Lorca.”

 _Of course she did_. He supposed that it was right of her to pass it on to his First Officer, but he wondered how many of the crew would know. He dreaded the idea of every soul on the ship knowing about his condition, but the pragmatic in him knew that it would be for the best – he’d never get them to trust him if he lurked in the shadow without explanation, and he was sure they wouldn’t trust him based on the stories that circled among Starfleet officers about him. Moreover, they would need to know if they ever got caught in an attack. “Good.”

“I was sorry to hear about your crew, Captain.”

Lorca turned away. He knew the other had lost his own Captain and part of the crew recently, so it didn’t feel like false sentiment, but he’d had just about too many ‘sorry’s’ during the last weeks. Sorry didn’t buy him anything, especially when he himself wasn’t sure if it was regret that he felt, or anger, or something else entirely. The fire in his eyes reminded him at every turn of what he had done, but he was certain that he had saved his crew from a much worse fate. His father had once told him that if you tell yourself a lie, a good lie, over and over again, you might just start to believe it. But this wasn’t a lie, was it? If it was a lie, he would never have been on the Discovery right now. He’d be rotting in a prison cell.

He’d heard some of the whispers, even if nobody dared to speak about it to his face, especially not his new crew.  _A Captain is supposed to go down with his ship._   _He must be a coward. Self-preservation. He just cared about his own life, and he won’t care about ours either._ Trust was still a fragile thing on the U.S.S. Discovery.

Lieutenant Saru looked mildly uncomfortable with the silence.

“I’m sure you’ve been brought up to date about the spore drive by Lieutenant Stamets?”

“Yes, sir. A most interesting scientific method, if I might say so.”

“It is,” Lorca said. “It’s what’s going to win us this war.”

The Kelpien carefully tried to keep his gaze blank, and yet something of worry shone through. “Permission to speak freely, sir.”

He had a feeling that he knew what was coming. Surely the Kelpien wouldn’t take gladly to serving under a Captain who’s sight had been corrupted. From a rational standpoint, he was a liability. Cornwell hadn’t minced her words when she had tried to convince him one last time to get the operation before accepting his new position. He knew it wasn’t rational, but it was his choice. “Permission granted.”

“I thought the Discovery was a science vessel.”

Not what he was expecting. “It certainly  _was_ , Lieutenant.”

“Are we a war vessel now?”

Lorca wasn’t sure if he was relieved that that was what his new First Officer was worried about. At least that meant he didn’t seem to have reservations about his new Captain, but if his new right hand was unable to see the ship’s new purpose through. “The Discovery is whatever she needs to be. Right now, that means we’re going to contribute whatever we can to the war effort.”

“With all due respect, sir, but this ship’s crew – they aren’t soldiers. They have probably never seen a fight in their lives, and I’m uncertain –”

“Then they’ll become soldiers,” he said harshly. “War isn’t won by staring at the stars, Lieutenant.”

Lieutenant Saru didn’t answer him, and Lorca knew that he had miscalculated. The other was more sentimental than he had thought.

“You’ve seen first-hand what the Klingon are capable of. I want to end it.”

“I know,” Lieutenant Saru said.

They stood in silence for what seemed an eternity when Lorca finally spoke. “Report for duty on the bridge tomorrow at 0900, I’ll talk to through the protocols.”

The Kelpien nodded. “Good night, Captain.”

“Good night,” Lorca said, turning his eyes to the wide world outside of their small ship, Lieutenant Saru’s unspoken question burning in his mind.  _But at what cost?_

**Author's Note:**

> I can't promise I'll be able to keep up updates to this series at this pace, but I'm really enjoying writing snippets of Lorca's background. Please let me know if there are particular scenes you'd like to see! (:


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